Stepping Up: How to Lead Your Former Colleagues Without Losing Yourself

From Colleague to Leader: The Shift No One Warns You About

One day, you’re part of the team—laughing at the same jokes, venting about the same challenges. The next, you’re the one in charge. Managing people who were once your equals is a minefield, and let’s be honest—it can feel uncomfortable as hell.

Suddenly, you’re expected to make decisions, set boundaries, and (worst of all) hold people accountable—including the ones you used to grab a drink with after work. If you get it wrong, you risk losing respect from both sides. But if you get it right? You’ll prove you were the right person for the job and set yourself up as a leader people actually want to follow.

So, let’s cut through the noise. Here’s how to make that transition without losing your credibility—or your sanity.

Own the Shift (Because Everyone Else Already Sees It)

Pretending nothing has changed is a rookie mistake. It has changed, and your team knows it. Avoiding the elephant in the room just makes things awkward.

A simple, honest conversation is your best bet:

“I get that this is a shift for all of us, and it might feel a bit different at first. But my goal is to support the team and help us move forward together.”

By acknowledging the change upfront, you stop people from making their own assumptions—and trust me, they will if you don’t.

Set Boundaries Without Becoming a Dictator

One of the hardest parts of this transition? Drawing the line between being approachable and being taken advantage of. If you’re too soft, people will push the limits. Too hard, and you’ll come across as power-hungry.

The key? Be clear on expectations from the start.

✔ Define roles and responsibilities—everyone, including you, needs to know where they stand.

✔ Keep it professional—yes, you can still have a laugh, but work comes first.

✔ Be transparent—your decisions need to make sense, or people will start questioning them.

If you try to keep everyone happy, you’ll end up keeping no one happy—including yourself.

Lead with Confidence, But Stay Humble

Your team already knows your strengths—and your weaknesses. There’s no hiding now. So, own your role without pretending to have all the answers.

✅ Confidence: Take charge, make decisions, and don’t second-guess yourself. You got the role for a reason.

✅ Humility: Be open to feedback, admit when you’re wrong, and show that you’re still learning.

People respect leaders who are real, not ones who put on a front. If you try to be something you’re not, your team will see straight through it.

Tackle Tough Conversations Head-On

Here’s the bit no one enjoys—giving feedback to people you used to be on the same level as. It’s awkward, it’s uncomfortable, but it’s necessary.

A few things to keep in mind:

✔ Keep it factual—base feedback on performance, not personal feelings.

✔ Stay fair and consistent—don’t let friendships cloud your judgement.

✔ Don’t avoid the hard stuff—issues don’t disappear just because you ignore them.

It might feel unnatural at first, but the more you delay tough conversations, the worse they get. Step up, face them head-on, and handle them with respect.

Find Support—You’re Not in This Alone

Leadership can be a lonely place, especially when you’re transitioning from being ‘one of the gang’ to the one calling the shots. Find people who’ve been through it before—mentors, coaches, or even just a trusted sounding board.

You don’t have to figure it all out on your own.

Final Thought: Own It and Move Forward

Yes, managing your former colleagues is a challenge. But it’s also a chance to prove yourself as a leader who’s fair, capable, and worth following.

Step up, set boundaries, tackle the hard stuff, and keep learning as you go. Leadership isn’t about having all the answers—it’s about having the guts to make the right calls, even when it’s tough.

Need a Hand Navigating the Shift?

If you’re stepping into leadership and feeling the pressure, let’s talk. Whether it’s practical strategies or just a reality check from someone who’s been there, I can help you get through this transition with confidence. Reach out, and let’s get started.